Rowell Santiago

I had the most vivid and wonderful dream in a long time. It was a dream with Rowell Santiago. Weird huh? I didnt see it coming too. But let me humor you with the details and how the dream meant to me.

A few days back, I was watching Oprah with their episode circling about laws of attraction. You attract the vibe you have. It also suggests to have a board of some sort on which you cut pictures of expressions of your state of mind and heart. It can be anything: what you feel as of the moment, what do you want to become, what you need, what you wanted, anything. It was a good concept. One lady even have a picture of a guy that he never met but thought it will be nice to meet someone with that appearance. Dont know if he ended up with something similar but she sure have her best foot forward finding that guy. So thats that and I forgot all about it.

Last night, I was dreaming. It was a state of mind on which I do have what my heart truly desires. It was weird but I was in a group of government people on which I was looking for my husband/partner/man. I was thinking he should be like the head of the bunch of some sort coz its my dream. I should get the best of the best and I should get the prince of the dream. But as I search for my husband/partner/man for one room to the next, not having a clue who would I find, I found him the 3rd door to the last. Rowell Santiago.

Sitting in a desk, neat and wearing a white shirt. There was a title on his desk saying something like Asst. to the Vice Chairman. Something like that ... So I was again asking myself, how come I dont have the top gun in this dream? ( its my dream, dang it!) But even before I can continue my thought, he interrupted me by saying, " you are 2 hours early, you know I can get out at this time, you have to wait, I have things to do." -- How dare him! Its my dream! But even before I can argue, I had this really warm, fuzzy, kilig feeling inside. It was Rowell Santiago. ( and he is my man? was he really talking to me?) So I went outside and waited. Most of the people in the building was already outside, celebrating something of some sort. The building was by the way just near the ocean. So sunset and all, 5 pm, I find myself in the arms of Rowell Santiago. Hugging me as a greeting, kissing my head as a thank you for waiting. I dont know what it was, I was dreaming ( I know I was dreaming ) but I felt complete. I felt peaceful.

Then the thoughts cross my mind, (wait, aint he gay or something?) But never mind that, he was mine. He was mestizo, built, handsome, still have a good hairline, tall and he has his eyes only in me. aaahhh ... and the of course I woke up coz I have the urge to go to the bathroom. so my aaahhh turned to uuuuggggghhhhh !!!!

So I wide awake now and trying to comprehend why did my subconscious picked, of all the people in the world (it could have been Brad Pitt) it has to be Rowell Santiago. Well, I just wanna see it as this: I wasn't looking for the star of the show. But he might not be the star of the show, but he is the director. He is the one who holds the show all together. He might not be in the limelight, but he is there at the back working without the recognition like the stars have. His looks is classic. Nothing like the well built man nowadays, or the metro sexual kind. He is just him, with his shirt tucked out and relaxed fit jeans. I wasnt looking for the head of the bunch. But I was surely looking for the heart of the bunch.

Dreams like this keeps me alive inside. Wonder who will I dream of next?

A "Big" Movie

It was the most wonderful feeling ... watching my four heroines back in the big screen. Wanting their story to live a little big longer. Watching the endings of Sex and the City on tv brought sadness to me personally. Coz somehow it gave me that connection of oneself. That space that I can be a woman, female, 100% estrogen. The show understands the dimensions of everyday drama of what to wear to what to do with my life now that I am past 30. It was also an escape of what life has in stored for me, and what life might have been if the world is perfect. Sex and the City was more than just a show, it was a religion. Seeing it in the movies was a gift from heaven.

Part of the technical writing is to form 4 personalities that touches the female persona. The Goddess, The Virgin, The Intellectual and The Artist. Or Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda and Carrie. I always wanted to be Carrie. The one with the cool personality, awesome body and smarts that reflects life in writing. She is not perfect and she is not lucky all the time. But she is brave to see what life has to offer because she has 3 other just in case of emergency numbers to call. But I guess the show/movie will not be a movie at all without the 3 other ladies. Coz even if they are supporting roles, so much of our personalities agrees with the other 3. Personally, I wanted to be as Fabulous as Samantha. That girl is fearless! Aging with grace and still have the body to make any man want her. Part of me is Charlotte, ever optimistic and inlove. Her style is awesome too --classic! (just like me) And Miranda she is the bestfriend you would want to have. Keeps you grounded at all times and loves chinese food. (me too!)

But I think the focus of the whole movie, really, is Mr. Big . Yes I know already his real name but it fits better to call him Mr. Big than John James Preston. I want my Mr. Big. Tall, handsome, powerful, smart, witty, sexy, and with a chauffer. Throughout the saga of Sex and the City, I love him and I hate him. I wanted him to fall in love with Carrie and thats just too easy. What makes the story interesting is that they are crazy for each other and they make each other crazy. ( Where can I get one? )

Stories like Carrie and Big, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda makes me realize that love is still around the corner. We may not have find it in a nice box with a red bow, but its there. And if the search is for THE ONE, I need to believe that he might stood me up on my wedding day, but he will eventually arrive. With where life has taken me now, I need happy endings like this.


To Adelle who encouraged me to write once more.